Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
