and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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