someone owes me an orgasm
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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