she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
