I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
