the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
