you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
