My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize