Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
