I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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