3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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