I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
