Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
