GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize