The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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