So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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