I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
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