I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
