i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
