well I can't set my house on fire every night
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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