ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
