Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
