God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
