cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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