i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
