I just saw a hot homeless man
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
