Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
