We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she told me i tasted like america
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
