apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
