Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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