I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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