he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
