i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
