Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
