we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
