about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
