if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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