aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
