what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
