And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
COCAINE IS GR8
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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