i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
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