HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
