i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
