Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
