it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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