if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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