I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
