The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
