Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
