I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
