I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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