I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize