You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
