You're so nebulous sometimes
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize