My room smells like vodka and shame
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i believe in u and ur pee
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
