Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
