some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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