Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
