Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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