i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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