his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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