i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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