How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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