I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
