the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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