He passed out mid-signature
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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